So whatever this is.. it has declared war with me.

In Europe, in a lavatory of a church, she stood in front of the mirror, donned in an electric blue dress. I saw familiarity in her reflection. I sensed something different about her though - younger, evil. They didn't sync. Then, she turned her head to me with glaring eyes as her image helplessly looked on. I tried to reach for the door, but I was almost frozen, like time had stopped and I was caught in its moment. What a moment. I finally saw the light.

And it was at that exact moment that I found my mind awake, escaped. Not my body. I couldn't move for while. And then came the breath that saved me. I can still remember every detail about that nightmare. It was my mother in the mirror.

The doctors are telling me different things every time I visit them. I just want to know what's wrong with me. It's so hard to have to try to stay alive with every breath I take. I worry about the coming exams because even though my mind tells me to give it my all, my body tells me that it can't be pushed right now. I feel so alone even though everyone I need is around me. I try to keep the fire of my soul burn bright, but many times through this I felt like it could've been easily washed out. I'm so hungry. I'm just so tired of feeling this way. So tired.

Anyway, for my blood test, I had the worst injection in my life yesterday. It tops my completely unpleasant experience with the whole wisdom tooth extraction. The doctor extracted "special blood" from both sides of the groin area, where the arteries are. I was shivering so much through it all. For the first time in my life, I screamed and hurled profanities because of a needle. They're still a little sore. She also took blood from my wrist which was a lot less painful.

The year started pretty rough on me. But I have the rest of the year to win over. So I won't let this win me. I just won't. It's my body, it's my fight.

Walk with me through this fight.