She said, one day, I'll laugh about it. And I can't wait.

I don't feel well. I constantly feel breathless and weak. I thought it was just the cold. Being home made it a little better for my mind and soul. I'm calmer here. But my body feels like it's going to shut down. And when I sleep, I get this feeling that I won't wake up. I feel like crying all the time. I tell myself that everything is going to be alright. I tell myself to fight whatever this is. Eventually, it makes me feel like my body and soul do not fit. I still can't breathe right and my whole world spins.. like I'm losing my mind and about to black out. I feel like I'm losing myself and it's hard for me to remember details before today. I dream of everyone who's close to me or used to be every time I sleep. My body temperature rises at odd times and I feel like fainting. I'm losing appetite because eating makes me more breathless. I don't know what's happening and if it's because of what happened on New Year in Venice. I never felt closer to death than I did that day. I have this dire need to hold on to someone right now. I'm scared. I'm just trying very hard to not let my fear overcome my strength. It'll get better.

What's happening?