Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Ruzanna VS Ruzanna ♥ Ruzanna

Mistakes I know I'm making keeps me up at night. I've been a horrible person to everyone, including myself. Myself. Truth. Two things I've been struggling with. To live a lie, I'd have to have a life and know the truth. It feels like I have neither. I keep losing it this year. I find myself but I lose myself to the world. I find the truth but the truth makes everything else seem like a lie. Wonder how it got this complicated.

I don't have any regrets, and I don't intend to have one. Is a life without regret something I should regret? My conscience isn't clear. How do I make this right? If the only way for me to make this right is to make a choice to be an even bigger asshole, I can't do it. I can't risk hurting someone because my conscience isn't clear. So do I deal with it or do I make a change?

It's really funny, the moment I asked that last question, the answer seems pretty clear. I love writing and all the epiphanies it gives me.

Thank you for showing me how it feels to be on the other side. Glad to be the asshole, honestly. You don't deserve to be hurt at all. But I guess we really don't always get what we deserve, and if I hurt you, I'd have to trust that you'd be strong enough to heal. But if you're not, I hope you'd allow me to be your healer. But I'd deal with it if it makes you feel better not to.

And life goes on.

The truth is just painful like that.

And I.. am permanently under construction. I can't tell you who I am and who I want to be, but who I was, is who you might see.

"Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch." - Tyler Hawkins

[EDIT]

Another thing..

Part of the Women and Girls Outreach Program objectives include providing opportunistic avenues of income for women who are HIV+ themselves and/or are the main caregiver for their HIV+ family members. Action for AIDS has teamed up with the Catholic AIDS Response Effort (C.A.R.E) to offer a platform where these women can produce items for sales at AfA outreach programs. The aim is to provide them with a supplementary income or in most of the cases, a form of steady income. One of the products which these women are keen to produce are jewellery made from beads. As the women have no prior experience in producing jewelleries for sale, a volunteer teacher who is proficient in making these jewelleries is needed to help launch this initiative.

If you have any experience in beading and making jewelleries and would like to volunteer your valuable time to tutor these women, please kindly write to norani.othman@afa.org.sg to indicate your interest. You will be helping these women acquire the necessary skills and be involved in the initial selection of the products for sale.

We look forward to your kind support.